Parents tend to get scared thinking of what will happen if they don’t control their kids. What if they end up making wrong decisions? The key here is to understand that you, as parents, have also made mistakes and suffered but here you are living a decent life. It is important for parents to know that their kids will also go the wrong way and that you will have to let them be on their own.
In reality, once parents let go of trying to control their child’s behavior and choices, they actually gain more power. Parents control providing food, clothing, and shelter to their children. They control whether or not they show their child how to cope and deal with conflict, adversity, and life’s challenges. Nonetheless, it is up to the child to choose if they want to learn from those life lessons or not.
Below are 4 important things that parents can control. Understanding these will empower parents and relieve them of responsibility for those they cannot.
· Parents can set expectations
Parents can control if they want to show their expectations to their kids. For example, “Tom, my expectation is that you will handle your anger without physical violence.” Parents can make their expectations known even if they think their child will not like them.
· Parents can help their kids meet expectations
Parents can control whether or not they give their child the opportunity to meet expectations. You can offer them advice and make the opportunity available to them. For example, “Jessica, if you are getting angry, it’s okay to walk away or listen to some music.”
· Parents can set consequences
Parents can decide the consequences of an action and can control if they want their child to know the potential consequences. As parents, you can implement the consequences and hold them accountable.
· Parents can control their own behavior
When parents get angry, they can model for their child how to cope effectively without losing their peace of mind. They can walk away or practice other effective coping skills.
Parenting is a wave that comes in with power and leaves with a quietness. It’s a dance of knowing when to intervene, when to let the child struggle, when to coach, and when to watch from a distance as your child figures it out. It is vital that parents let their child fall while they pray they will get back up.